24 June 2009

Lasts

When Donny moved to Texas, he said that one of the saddest things was that people started pointing out to him the "last" time he had done something: "oh, you've just taught your last class." "Oh, this is your last departmental luncheon." "This is your last PLA meeting." I have learned, however, to fight the tendency to notice these things for yourself, because sometimes you are surprised to find that your last something-or-other actually was not your last. I thought I was completely done with classes when I advanced to candidacy--haha. Little did I know I would be required to take another one in order to teach the following summer. It really wrecked the mental celebration I had done about being finished with the traditional student mentality forever, and prevented me from regarding the end of that summer class in the same way with any certainty. So now, when I think, "this is probably the last time," that "probably" always rings with an especial loudness.

However, I really want to celebrate this particular "probably": I have probably made my last ever trip to the Purdue Humanities, Social Sciences, and Engineering Library's periodicals stacks.

I have complained about the stacks before, but if you have not been there, you just do not understand. First of all, I came from another school with a really great library. Laura Bush loved that library, and she knows libraries. I even had a favourite stack there: 5Q. Almost all the good French sociolinguistics stuff was in 5Q. And everything was out in the middle of a normal, air-conditioned floor with normally spaced shelves. So whether you wanted a journal or a book, you just got the call number, and then looked at the chart on the wall to see which stack that call number was in, and then you went to that floor and looked for the shelves labelled with that letter. And, as would make utterly good sense for a six-story library, there were photocopiers on every other floor. So, if your book was in 5Q, you only had to carry it down one floor. Then you could copy it, dump it, and THEN look for books that might be on the fourth floor, copy those, and then move down, etc.

HSSE is not that way. There are only five photocopiers, all on the first floor (and three of which I have exhausted either the toner or letter-size paper in during the last week), so anything you want to get in one trip has to be carried in your arms all the way down. And the periodicals stacks are separated from the rest of the books, somewhere in the land that time forgot. I only just discovered yesterday that there was an entrance to the stacks on the first floor of the library; it's behind the periodicals reading room, where I never go, because who goes to the library to read recent periodicals? So my first trips to HSSE five years ago involved me looking things up in the catalogue (I wish I could still call it a card catalogue, but that just doesn't seem possible; I am super nostalgic for card catalogues and if I could find one cheap, I would want to own it, for they are truly beautiful decorating pieces, even though I have no practical use for dozens of tiny drawers), looking at the sign on the wall that said (in so many words) "0-400, 2nd floor; 401-everything else, 3rd floor; useless desks, 4th floor," wandering through the maze of shelves to find the appropriate call number, visually scanning the shelf, not seeing what I wanted, and then thinking, "what the heck?" Finally, one day, I discovered the magical doors on the 2nd and 3rd floors, all the way at the back of the library, that usher you in to the aircraft carrier simulator where Purdue stores its academic journals. Not only are the shelves too close together and the stairwells too narrow to accommodate a body with a bag full of heavy books slung over one shoulder, but the climate control appears to consist of one air conditioning vent in the floor on the bottom level. In winter it's probably not so bad. For some reason, though, I never seem to have time to go to the library except in the middle of summer. And you not only have to get everything you want in one trip before you will reach the bottom-level photocopiers again, but you have to do that without the benefit of using the elevator, because the stacks have floors in between the normal floors of the library and only a crazy old-fashioned "let me close this door myself" type of elevator that only the librarians seem to be allowed to use. So, when you go into the stacks, you should be prepared to melt a little, and hope there's not a crazy vengeant magician following you and hoping to lock the doors from the outside.

Anyway, I hate the stacks, but I was determined to find everything I could off of this list:



That's my crazy super-organised list of sources that were cited in the previous dissertation all my work is based on, and that therefore I should probably at least glance at. I've been carrying it around for at least a year. A check in red or pink means the library has it, and a check in blue means now I have it. Look at all those checks in blue! If there are no checks at all, that means it seems not to exist anymore, anywhere in the world, except maybe in the private collection of the (possibly dead) author (like it was originally just a conference paper or something). I really wanted to get a blue check beside all the other ones, though. And I did. I own you, dissertation sources. And I am never going in the stacks again. Probably.

08 June 2009

After Math

I have had a really inane couple of weeks trying to work in a lab where nothing that I need to do the things I need to do has been working. I tried to post about it a couple of times, but I was too tired.

So instead I'll share a few breaths of fresh air from this weekend.

First, there was the friend from the master's programme who happens to be in northern France right now, and who said that there were American flags everywhere on Saturday, and that some really old man told her thank you for all her country did for France. You don't hear that every day. Appreciative Frenchmen may be a minority, but it's nice to know they do still exist.

Then, there was my trip to see the dog parade. I didn't like the dogs as much as the frogs. Some dogs were really well done artistically, but they didn't have particularly punny names, like Vincent Van Dog:




Some dogs had really great names, but I wasn't all that impressed with the art, like Yes We K-9:



But what I was looking for was a really well done dog with a funny, punny name of equal calibre to match "Star Warts: Toada" or "Rosie the Ribbeter." And I was a bit disappointed. On the bright side, though, I found that walking around for a couple of hours made me feel a lot less hungry.

It was also my good fortune that the local Frank Lloyd Wright house was open to the public yesterday to cap off my weekend. The house is still lived in by its original owner, so you can't just go see it whenever you like. It's also obscured from the street by greenery, so you have to actually arrange a tour to be able to see it at all. But it was nice to compare it to the house I saw in Chicago, which was in a different style and also devoid of furniture. It is interesting to walk into a room with a very 1960s decor and not feel that it is outdated, because the entire house is the same 1960s decor. (I think the house may have been built in the 50s, but of course Wright was ahead of his time). It helps you appreciate how style works as a whole, because when you normally see a lime green or orange piece of furniture from the 60s all by itself, somewhere in a university or an old relative's house where it is just a leftover not thrown away for money's sake, but mixed in with mostly later pieces, you think to yourself, "who in their right mind would ever have found that attractive?" I still don't think I could live my whole life with bright yellow carpet, but seeing the entire vision as a whole helps.

26 May 2009

It Ain't Rocket Science

Bob got some e-mail forward about completing the following mathematical sequence with the next number:

1 2 6 42 1806

It was accompanied by some joke about how engineers will get it in less than three minutes, architects in less than three hours, so and so in less than six hours, and if it takes you more than twelve hours, you are probably a surveyor. Obviously the joke was written by an engineer, as the categories of occupations being joked about suggest that the joke writer does not have a wide range of social contacts.

Apparently in the original e-mail, you were invited to use the next number in the sequence as a password to open an Excel file and add your name to the list of brilliant people who have figured it out.

It took me more than three minutes, but less than ten, to come up with a solution, which I proposed to Bob. No, he said. That's not it. So I stared at the numbers again and thought, "But surely that works." Then I handed the paper back and said, "Is there any reason my solution would not work?" And the answer is no. There are thus at least two possible solutions to the problem, although ostensibly only one will get your name added to the Excel database that probably contains a virus anyway. And in my linguistic brilliance somewhere between "engineer" and "architect," my brain figured out the pattern and attributed it to the harder solution. Call it seeking out natural classes, if you like.

In any case, the two ways are in the comments.

22 May 2009

And Bothered

I have loved most everything about my current apartment with a few minor exceptions. This winter got excessively cold, and when it dipped down to the negatives, my thermostat seemed to stop recognising what temperature it was and thus to not bother heating my apartment anymore. I had the thermostat set to keep it at 68, but it was reading 60. Bob claimed that when it was too windy outside, it might affect the thermostat's ability to figure out what temperature it was. So I turned the setting up quite a bit and set it to run full time, and eventually it warmed up, but it took a couple days.

Earlier this spring, when it seemed it was going to get warm for a while, I had the opposite problem. I went through the same rigmarole, turning the setting down from 78 to 70ish, and changed the filter too, although that didn't seem to help. But now the weather seems to have decided to get warm and stay warm, and I don't feel a lick of wind, but my thermostat is still playing dumb. It got up to 88 inside yesterday, and only dropped six degrees during the night.

I know I could open the windows, and that might help things; I did that last time when it was actually cool outside. But it's like 86 outside now and I don't know that it would make a big difference. Besides, when you open windows, bugs can get in, and they're already smart enough to figure out how to do that without being invited. Some spider has been making a colossal tightrope from the opposite corner of my stairwell to the top of my stairs. I have to duck under it just to get to my door. I wouldn't want to have an Ellen experience and wake up some evening to find my whole room sparkling because he and all his friends have decided that an indoor web would be better protected from the supposed wind that's confusing my air conditioning. I read an article somewhere about some arachnophobes believing that spiders follow humans around and watch them and decide to drop down from the ceiling on purpose to scare them. I thought that was stupid, but you never know. I mean, if you wanted to build a web, and the only really convenient thing to attach one end of it to was a tuffet, but there was a girl there, mightn't you concoct some bold plan to just go for it and see if you could freak her out rather than being a webless spidery wuss? But of course that's ridiculous, isn't it, to imagine that spiders are really smart but that a machine built by someone with a trade school education could be tricked by the weather.

On the bright side, last year's wasp nest on the side of the stairs has been broken open and destroyed. I'm glad, because I have a feeling from years past that they like to return to the same spot if it's allowed to remain there. I'm not sure whether the deed was done by one of my intrepid neighbours or by the mama bird who has taken up residence in the corner above the overhang column, but either way, I'm grateful. And I'll leave Mr. Spider to them, and keep staring foolishly at my thermostat every hour or two and wondering what's taking so long.

13 May 2009

The Dissertation Workout

I am sick to death of reading advice on how to schedule a dissertation into your life that makes it look so easy to cram 60 hours a week of writing into a schedule that leaves no time for cooking, eating, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, exercise, or showering. So I found a way to incorporate at least one of those tasks (which I'm pretty lazy about anyway) into the 60 hours. Grad school isn't just mental gymnastics anymore.

Stacks Climb
Target: Arms and Legs

Make a list of journals that you need to make photocopies from. Try to intelligently put the list in order by call number so that you can carry all the journals you get from the top floor of the stacks to the bottom. Go get all the journals on the second floor. Then realise that you've done the list in reverse order and have to climb the stairs to the third floor with an armful of heavy books. Add more heavy books on the third floor and take the stairs back down to the photocopiers. Repeat until your bibliography is suitably padded.

Copier Press
Target: Arms, Shoulders, and Neck

Find a book that is so heavily quoted that you need almost every chapter in it as a reference, but which you can not afford to buy because it is out of print and costs $300 used on Amazon. Place the title page of the book face down on a photocopier and close the lid. Press copy. Lift the lid, lift the book, turn the page, lay the book back down, close the lid, and press copy again. After 5 reps, twist your head to the left and then the right, looking surreptitiously around to make sure that you are not being watched by a librarian who will accuse you of copyright infringement. Repeat the entire cycle until you have copied the entire book.

Article Organisation, Part 1
Target: Abs and Legs

Separate all the pages you have copied by article or chapter. Lay each in its own separate pile on the floor. Bend at the waist to pick up a pile. Find a place where you can sit down and do a squat move while sitting. Punch holes in the article and write the bibliographic reference on the front. Repeat until all articles have been hole-punched.

Article Organisation, Part 2
Target: Arms, Abs, and Legs

Go to the bottom shelf of your bookcase where you keep your heavy binders full of old articles. Bend at the waist and pull all the binders containing articles on the topic you are currently researching off the shelf. Stand up straight. Move to a place where there is room in the floor and bend again to lay the binders down. Stand up straight. Take the first article from your pile of hole-punched articles. Find the binder where that article will need to go alphabetically and do a squat to pick it up. Take the binder to a seat and do a squat move while sitting. Open the binder to the place where you will insert the new article and insert the new article. Repeat until you realise that one of the binders you need is still on the shelf and go back to the beginning of the process to get it. Then continue until you realise that one of the binders in which you are trying to insert an article no longer has room for any more articles. Go back to the other binders spread on the floor, do a squat, and pick up the one that has the most space in it. Pick up one of the other binders next to it. Go back to your seat and do a squat move while sitting. Transfer several articles from the more full binder to the less full binder. Repeat this process with other binders until the one in which you originally needed to insert the article has sufficient space in it. Repeat the entire process until you realise that none of your binders has any more sufficient space in it for further articles. Go back to the bookshelf and repeat the initial steps to locate a binder that contains articles that you haven't read in five years and that are probably safe to throw away. Throw away the articles in that binder and repeat the reorganisation steps for transferring items from a full binder to an empty binder. Repeat the entire process until all articles are stored in alphabetical order or until you pass out. If you should pass out, take a five minute break before resuming the process.

Incorporating Sources into Writing
Target: Arms, Hands, Abs, and Legs

Spread out the binders full of sources on the floor around the chair in which you will be sitting to write. Do a squat move to sit in the chair. Move your fingers as quickly as possible to press the keys on the keyboard in the writing process. When a citation seems appropriate, bend at the waist to find the binder that contains the article that contains the citation you need. Open the binder and turn to the page with the citation. Balance the heavy binder on the edge of the tiny desk with one hand while typing with the other. When the citation has been typed, close the binder and bend at the waist to place it back on the floor. Repeat until your legs feel numb. Stand up, step gingerly over the pile of binders, and lift your cheap, uncomfortable folding chair from its place in front of the computer. Set the chair down in the middle of the room. Walk to the dining room and pick up a more comfortable chair. Set it down in front of the computer. Step gingerly over the pile of binders and do a squat move to sit in the chair. Recommence the writing process. Repeat the writing and citation steps until you have a chapter that looks reasonably decent enough to turn in.

Cool-Down

At the end of a writing session, bend at the waist to pick up a binder. Stand up, walk over to the bookshelf, and bend at the waist to place the binder back on the shelf. Repeat until handling so many binders full of paper causes a paper cut. Set the binder that gave you the paper cut back on the ground. Hold the offended hand to your side and shake it out. Take deep breaths until you no longer feel the urge to scream. Resume the process until you can see your floor again.

09 May 2009

Multiple Choices (or, Musings on What May Have Been My Last Time Teaching Linguistics Ever)

They say that parents really crack down on their first kid and then lighten up the more they have when they finally realise, "oh, they're not going to die." I have decided that this is probably, to a lesser extent, true with teachers and their classes as well. Yes, most education profs spout the old adage, "don't smile until December." Yet I think there is also a tendency when you are first starting out to expect too much, of both the students and yourself. My first semester teaching linguistics, I actually started the class by writing out my lecture notes before going to class. About halfway through I realised that I didn't really need to do that.

However, many of my standard classroom practices I have been reluctant to give up, often because I am convinced that I had a pretty sound pedagogical basis for them in the first place. One thing that I have always been loathe to try is to purposefully make exams easier, either by replacing essay questions with multiple choice or by allowing cheat sheets or the scandalous "open-book." Then somewhere I read a piece of research that suggested that such innovations don't actually improve student grades substantially, even though the students are certain that they will (I THiNK this may have been published in the Purdue Liberal Arts magazine, but everyone I've talked to about this research says "oh yes, I heard about that too!" And I didn't THiNK that many people actually read the Purdue Liberal Arts magazine).

At first my thought process saw this as confirmation of my choices. Students think this will help them, but there's evidence that it won't. And I don't know of any evidence that suggests that studying for a closed-book exam causes students to understand the material less well than if they had an open-book exam, but I can easily imagine that it might help some students understand some of the material at least a little bit better. Thus, this is the format that has been preferred by almost all educators since Socrates drank hemlock.

But this semester was a little different because I taught the same material under a different course title, for a different department with a different group of students (elementary education majors). I would say the students were taking the class for a different reason too if it weren't for the fact that 99.9% of the students who took my class in the foreign language department listed on their information sheet under "Why are you taking this class?" that "It's required for my major." From the beginning of my teaching experience at Purdue, I was presented with the impression, from multiple sources (including my own substitute teaching in a friend's English linguistics classroom), that the students who take the English version of the course are less well prepared (even, perhaps, less intelligent) than the students who take the foreign language version, and I was explicitly told by the supervising instructor that "you may need to tone down some of what you teach a little bit for them." At least in my class this semester, I have found that the el.ed. students were not quite as bad as everybody said, although the fact that I went into the class with an appropriately toned-down syllabus probably helped.

Still, the worst part (in my view) of this perception of this version of the class is that people seem to start with inordinately lower expectations, particularly when it comes to assignments and exams. When I first taught linguistics, I was given a syllabus prepared by a former teacher of the foreign language class, who had been a visiting instructor from France. It was all I had to go on, so I copied her style of homework (almost) every class period (20 assignments during the semester), project, and three exams plus a cumulative final (all closed-book, of course). Shortly after I began teaching, with my syllabus set beautifully in departmentally-xeroxed stone, someone in the English department forwarded me a sample syllabus from one of their old teachers, to help with my "continued preparation." Their requirements? Three homework assignments (all semester long), a midterm, and a non-cumulative final--both "open-book." Needless to say, that instructor was not from France. Nor was her supervisor from Cuba.

I had hoped to avoid going that far this semester, making most of my changes in the simplification of the problems we would do and in giving a great deal of extra time for the project (though I required them to interview twice as many subjects to compensate for my generosity). But el.ed. students move through the world in these crazy little things called "cohorts." And somebody in the cohort always knows somebody else who's taken such and such class before. And those people talk. So the students sometimes have expectations before you even have your own for what the course will be like. And on the first day of class, one of them asked me, "can we have a cheat sheet on all the tests, or just the final?"

So, sensing that gossip had already turned the tide against my popularity should I stick to my traditional guns, I thought, "what the heck? Let's try something new" and announced that they could make a cheat sheet on a 3x5 index card for each of the tests. After all, how many sample phonology problems can you fit on a 3x5 index card, and what good will they do you anyway in solving another phonology problem if you don't understand the concepts in the first place? That seemed to work well, and to not create an inordinately high bump in the grade distribution. Then I started thinking about the final and what size cheat sheet would be appropriate--both sides of a regular sheet of notebook paper, perhaps? But you should have seen how tiny some of them wrote on those index cards--or even better, printed things out on their computer (in phonetic fonts, even! Less savvy, my foot) and glued to their index cards. So I figured that if they were going to try to cram every detail of the book on the cheat sheet no matter what, I might as well just let them have every detail of the book. And thus I decided to put the open-book research to the test. Since there's relatively little point to asking someone to give examples or definitions of concepts when they can just copy those things out of the book, I reworked a lot of the questions I used to ask in short-answer format into multiple choice questions (about 40% of the exam).

The results? A few people got slightly higher grades than I expected, a few slightly lower, but overall people got what I expected them to get on the tests, and nobody ended up with what I thought was an undeserved grade in the course. The overall distribution was a little bit on the high end--more people got Bs than Cs. And this went counter to some of my past experiences with final exams, but in a very good way: I used to find, more frequently than I liked to, that students could make Cs or Ds on the final (and not just by leaving things blank) and sometimes still get Bs or As in the class. In particular, I would have 80-90% of students getting zero points on the historical linguistics problem--which they ANSWERED--and get intensely frustrated with their inability to grasp these concepts and their poor demonstration of having retained anything that I taught them, then see that they still got to walk away with a high grade in the class. With the open-book test, the students performed comparably to how they did on other homework assignments and tests, leaving me far less depressed at the end.

But what did they RETAIN, you ask? Well, it appears that they retained approximately what they originally got out of doing the homework: an ability to test their understanding of concepts by applying them to doing problems they had not done before, with their book as a guide to help them. And I thought this was a particularly striking thing, because is this not exactly what I want this particular group of students to retain? Granted, my expectations for foreign language majors are going to be higher because they are bringing more experience with languages to the class, but I also expect that they will find a more thorough understanding of linguistics useful to their additional study of their foreign language, and thus I want them to actually master the ability to look at a language and analyse how it works. With el.ed. majors, however, my goals were mostly that they think about sociolinguistic and pedagogical issues surrounding grammar and variation in a new way, that they be exposed to tools they might find useful in teaching, such as how to use a knowledge of phonetics to help a student with a pronunciation difficulty, and that they master really obvious stuff like the difference between a noun and a verb. I knew all along that most of them will never want or need to think about historical linguistics again, nor do they really even need to have their phonetic alphabet memorised. What they need to be able to do is compartmentalise in their brain, "this is the kind of stuff I learned about in linguistics," remember that this knowledge exists, and, if they find in the future that it might be useful to them, know how to go back to their textbook, look up the information, re-read it, remember what it meant, and apply it. Not memorise it. Look it up in the book.

So I found myself really intrigued as an ethnomethodologist while watching my students prepare for and take this exam. First of all, I got far fewer questions before the exam, both during the review days and via e-mail during the week leading up to the test. The students in general seemed less stressed about preparing, and they didn't demand extra office hours or review days as someone almost inevitably does or send me frantic e-mails at 10:00 last night. But they did ask questions during the exam they gave me some insight into the fact that they were using the kinds of thought processes I wanted them to get out of this class and be able to use in the future, like comparing questions to things on previous exams, or even to my actual corrections of other things they had done, and saying "so if you marked this wrong on that test, does this mean now I do it this way?" They were studying the way I would want them to study, but right in front of me, while figuring out test answers at the same time. Are they going to understand the material less because of that simultaneity? I don't know. For some reason, I don't think so.

And this also struck me, because I put so little credence in the plaintive cries of these academics who have gone back to live in college dorms because "we don't realise it, but we've all forgotten what it's like to be a student!" Surely that is not true of me, right? After all, I have been a student for the past 23 STRAIGHT YEARS. That's as long as I lived in Texas. I might as well have a bumper sticker on my car that says "Don't Mess with Student," because these things are that much ingrained in who I am. I understand how they think. Don't I?

That's just it. I understand how I think. I understand how to pass an honours class or an AP test or an SAT or a GRE or to write a master's thesis, all with flying colours. And I understand what it's like to be really good at a lot of stuff, but to have a few things you really suck at, like CHEMISTRY and PHYSICS (or heck, even SYNTAX). But I do not understand what it's like to be really good at a lot of stuff, but to really suck at PHONOLOGY and SOCIOLINGUISTICS (or heck, even SPELLING or IDENTIFYING NOUNS AND VERBS). I do not understand what it is like to be just average in most academic things. And I really do not understand what it is like to have a very hard time with most academic things. But these are all things that, as a teacher, you have to learn to imagine, though you get very little instruction in how to go about imagining them.

You also get very little concrete exposure to how other people experience these things because you rarely, if ever, get to watch your students study. We complain over and over again about the things that students have made it through high school and part of college without knowing. But how do I know they were ever taught these things? I gave a just-for-fun "pop quiz" on Latin and English abbreviations where most of my students said that they had never, ever seen the abbreviations "cf." or "ibid.," which suggests that many of them have not ever actually carefully read a research text with footnotes or endnotes or tried to use a bibliography to find additional relevant sources. I assume they either learned how to do research and write a research paper in high school, and placed out of introductory composition, or that they had to take English 106 and learn how to do those things. But what the heck do they teach in English 106? I haven't sat through it. How do I know?

My mind goes back to high school, when there was no getting out of taking required classes that I sucked at (or maybe could have done better at, but just really didn't like). I remember doing really poorly on a chemistry unit about balancing equations. I asked my teacher for help, and she said, "if your problem is balancing equations, that's not a chemistry problem, that's an algebra problem. You need to go ask your algebra teacher for help." Funny, I thought. I'm not having any problems in algebra class. My algebra teacher seemed to think it was a little strange, too, when one of his A students came to him with chemistry homework and said "the chemistry teacher thinks YOU need to help me understand this." He took all the chemicals out of the equation and turned it into a straight algebra problem, which I had no problem solving. What was the issue, he wondered? And why isn't your chemistry teacher willing to work with you to figure it out, when I don't understand chemistry well enough to help you? Could it be that trying to grasp the nebulous concept of significant figures, and to determine how many places I was supposed to round a multi-decimal point atomic weight to in order to balance the equation was turning an "algebra problem" into a "chemistry problem?" Surely not?!?

On the flip side, when I think about where I actually learned my study skills, I go back to a few sources: parents, of course. A required study skills class in sixth grade. Quite a number of English teachers who explicitly worked on making me a better researcher and writer (though it would be folly to assume that all study skills are a result of knowing how to research and write well). And the biology teacher who made us write up and turn in SQ3R notes for all our readings. SQ3R was a system where we had to "Survey (skim the chapter and take note of the major headings), Question (ask yourself what types of information each section will address), Read, Recite (take notes on the answers to the questions we had just proposed and the main ideas of each section), and Review (summarize the key points)." We had to write out all these steps (except Read) for each chapter that we read and turn them in. The teacher explicitly imposed a method of studying and spent class time going over it to make sure that all the students learned some basic study skills. Which teacher was that again? The English teacher? No, the BIOLOGY teacher. But that wasn't her job, right? Study skills are equivalent to reading mastery, and surely that's an issue for language arts!

Hopefully my "chemistry problem" was an isolated incident (probably related to the chemistry teacher's much-gossiped-about "drinking problem"), but it betrays a bigger issue. Teachers like to think we are only responsible for so much. It is always someone else's job to have taught X, whether X is how to tell a noun from a verb, or how to use an index to find information in a book, or how to be socially aware enough to determine that it is probably not appropriate to throw your Jaffa Cake at the wall during the middle of class (or ever). We expect our students to come to us at this point in their education knowing quite a bit of stuff that we have never directly observed anyone having taught them. And sometimes we get a tad bit uppity at the fact that they don't already know it, and assume it isn't our job to teach it.

But the truth is that a lot of time gets wasted when we don't come right out and say what we want. How many of us have ever graded papers? Lots, right? Like, we've spent inordinate amounts of time losing sleep and missing TV over doing it? And how many of us think most of our students don't even bother to look at the corrections we put on their papers? Most, right? Yet how often do we actively incorporate activities in our classroom where we motivate them to go through those corrections and revise their original work, or look at the corrections while solving a new problem? We do this a bit in foreign language classrooms, though not nearly as often as we might, but I've never really done it in a linguistics class. Of course, I always have time for questions when I give back an exam, and they appear to be flipping through. But didn't I notice how many of those questions were about "how many points was that worth?" and "didn't you take off a couple too many?" rather than "if it's wrong in this question, then how come it was right on this other question on this other assignment?" If not, then I definitely noticed how many of my students don't seem to know that they're expected to use a spell-checker to proofread their assignments before turning them in (even if they are touchy-feely things like journals), and how many hadn't actually seemed to read the book when I asked questions that they were supposed to have known the answers to.

So what I got out of my "experiment" was unsurprising and apparently fair test results, but also an opportunity to watch my students figure things out in a way I have not experienced being able to watch them before. I don't know that the open-book test was inherently better, or that it would be justifiable to do it with every group of students in every circumstance (linguistics majors? Probably not). But I think it met the goals of this class in a way I did not necessarily plan, and opened my eyes to the fact that I could probably do some more direct incorporation of activities in class where they work on problems in front of me so I can see how they're working, or compare corrected problems to new ones, and maybe mix up different kinds of tests in the future to get them to do the same thing in different ways. And did I mention that I was able to grade my 35 13-page exams in just about two hours? Yeah, that was pretty nice, too.

04 May 2009

Extrinsically

I read a piece by Stephen Fry in the Guardian in which he writes a letter to his sixteen-year-old self. I thought I would follow suit, not because I want to be like Stephen Fry, although I would certainly find making merry with a cross-dressed Hugh Laurie infinitely preferable to watching him make people bleed (and British-accent Hugh Laurie is naturally preferable to American-accent Hugh Laurie), but because when faced with the idea of writing a letter to one's sixteen-year-old self, I saw it as an intellectual challenge and thought, "what on earth would I say?" It's a bit like that story in the Bible where the guy wonders why God doesn't send someone back from the dead to tell him that there really is an afterlife; he wouldn't have believed it anyway. My sixteen-year-old self evidently didn't need any advice from my twenty-eight-year-old self to turn out exactly like my twenty-eight-year-old self, and I'm not sure my twenty-eight-year-old self is so great anyway. But maybe a letter would be just the thing to prevent sixteen-year-old me from turning out this way, or to make her cooler that much quicker. So...

Dear Beth,

I hope you are well. In fact, I know you are well, even though you probably think you are not. So first let me reassure you that you are well. I'm quite aware that you think 180 pounds is fat, especially since you weighed only 140 two years ago, and only 90 two years before that. But that's a natural part of growing. You're going to peak at your current height, and 180 is normal for you. Own it and be happy, and maybe if you do you can stay that way. Even if you don't, your senior yearbook picture is going to turn out awesome and you're going to be happy about it for the rest of forever. Oh, and those popular kids who always make fun of you? They're really, truly, not going anywhere spectacular in life.

Now, let me let you in on a shocking secret, just so you can get used to the idea now: you're not going anywhere spectacular in life either. Unless you think Indiana is spectacular. Yeah, you heard me right. It turns out that NOBODY has ever heard of the International Baccalaureate, most especially not actual international people, so most of the work you're doing there is not going to amount to any more than a regular AP credit. And most of what you're going to do for the next ten years is going to be exactly like that: you'll work your butt off, and most people won't notice, although the ones who do will make like all the characters in that Garfield Christmas special and go "Ooooooooooh! That's impressive!" But they're really only saying that because they don't know the meaning of what you've just told them, and they don't want to seem dumb, or they just don't actually care but don't want to seem rude. So you'll keep skipping lunch to learn German, and then skipping sleep to learn Swedish, and then mixing the two up because you have the classes back to back, and all it's going to get you in the end is five years living in the Midwest because you think it's best to try to do a little of everything rather than picking one language and moving to a country where they speak it. But as it turns out, most of the world really hates America, especially all the people whose languages you've invested lots of time learning, so you're probably not going to want to go actually live amongst those people anyway, and the nice thing you'll find about living in the middle of nowhere is that it is, actually, in the middle, and thus will place you within reasonable driving distances of cool things like Irish language classes and David Bowie's tiny clothes.

And here's the upside: in the future, all the things that you think make you unpopular now are going to be reasons people think you are cool! This is due, almost entirely, to the fact that you are hilarious. Your education is going to take you nowhere; your sense of comedy is all that matters. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Self-deprecation is going to be the new "yo momma" joke, but most people will not be good enough at it to make it work, because they've wasted too much time pointing their funny at others to find the humour within themselves. You know all those people who said "it's always the quiet ones?" They were right. All those years of introspection are going to serve you well when it comes time to make fun of yourself, and everyone who lacks your ability is going to eat it up. You will be the Conan O'Brien of the cornfields. You'll be able to talk about anything, no matter how obscure, and people will wish they could identify, even if they can't; you'll say "didn't you hate it growing up when your dad made you listen to Al Stewart?" and they'll say, "uh... yeah!" You'll say "jump," and they'll say "sure, and you can even borrow my cables."

So, since this time of revelry awaits you in the future, you should make more of your youth by enjoying the ridiculous things you love now. So you skip lunch every now and then to buy another album from the BMG club that you really hope might be worth the $3.99 even though you only recognise one song. Keep it up! For one thing, the more you talk about how underrated Ace of Base were, the more people are going to like you. For another, CDs are actually going to disappear in the future, and you can make crazy money on the internet (which you WILL eventually have access to!) by selling your old copies of obscure out-of-print albums--there will even be lunatics out there who held on to shrink-wrapped copies of Steve Winwood's 1982 album and think they can get $60 for them. Finally, and most important, David Gilmour is going to send you prophetic messages from the past through his music. You should listen to every word he says. Especially the parts about not needing education and worms, because unfortunately these are going to be two of your biggest problems. In fact, when it comes time to move into your first apartment, you should maybe try to find the cleanest, newest, fanciest, most expensive place you can. You won't want to do that on a grad student salary, but you'll regret it if you don't.

And I guess since I'm giving you advice, I might as well break it to you that Phil Collins quit Genesis a whole year ago, although you didn't notice it because you were too busy studying and the entire music industry was too busy talking about Marilyn Manson (who, thankfully, NO ONE will think about in 10 years' time). So they're going to put out another album in a couple of years with a new lead singer, and it will totally tank, and you'll hate it so much you CRY, but give it a few more chances and you will actually like it, and it will be okay in the end because Phil will come back and do one more concert, and you will get to go and spend it feeling all the drumbeats and bass lines vibrating through a really huge pillar. And also, now that you're driving, your dad should probably tell you that you need to get your tires rotated every 5,000 miles, but he won't remember, so you're going to get several flats before you ever figure out that this is a problem, and if you do get one on the highway and happen to see that the tire store is right across the access road from you and the only thing between you and it is a grassy ditch--don't try to drive across the ditch.

Hope this helps, but you don't really need it.

Love,
Elizabeth